Monday, 27 June 2011

What does success look like?

I deal with a lot of projects at work, as well as running them, I have to challenge those that other people are running.  One of my key questions is always "what does success look like? how will you know when you have achieved what you set out to do?"

So being logical, I'm asking myself how I will know when I'm feeling better, and more importantly what am I going to do to enjoy it.    During my visits to my GP I've had to answer a depression questionnaire in order to diagnose the severity of my depression, if anyone reading this thinks it could help them, here is a link to it on NHS direct.  The first time I did the questionnaire with the GP I was diagnosed as severely depressed.

So now I'm trying to write a questionnaire for what good looks like, based.  Like the depression questionnaire it is based on how you have been feeling in the last two weeks, and the answers should selected from:
 - no, not at all
 - on some days
 - on more than half the days
 - nearly every day.

I should highlight at this point, this is entirely made up by me.   It has no basis in science, but I find it useful.

1) have you laughed several times a day?

2) have you found yourself feeling content, satisfied or happy?

3) Do you feel well rested and not drained of energy

4) are you able to sleep through the night and wake up in the morning?

5)  do you look forward to what the day to come might bring?

6) do you enjoy spending time with friends and family?

7)  Do you get enjoyment out of watching a film, reading a book or other hobbies you used to enjoy?

8) Can you hold and enjoy a normal conversation?

9) Are you able to treat yourself and enjoy it?

I'm not sure what score denotes success, I'm still working on the MI.  But it helps, if I can answer positively to some of these then I'm heading in the right direction.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Happiness at the bottom of a biscuit tin

Well the exercise programme and diet I talked about before is not going well.   I just don't seem to be able to stop eating.  I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm always hungry and all I'm eating is biscuits, crisps, chocolate, toast, cake................

I've not been exercising, I did it for a few days, then the depression came back.  Other than dancing I've not been able to get off the sofa and jog,cycle or anything else.  I don't think I can blame this on the depression, I'm not actually feeling too bad, work is going well, family is good.  I feel quite good about my mental self, it's my physical self I don't like.   It's like sabotage, one thing goes well so I have to scupper another, or at least that's what it feels like.  I always have an excuse for eating too much, and then an excuse for not exercising.   

I don't know how to get out of this cycle.  Well in theory I do, stop eating and get off my arse, but I'm not doing it.   I have done it in the past, I don't know what was different then, but I need to get back to that place, so I can start to like my body again.

I was once asked how much I like my body out of 10, I gave it a 3, I have to try and at least get over 5.