Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Happiness at the bottom of a biscuit tin

Well the exercise programme and diet I talked about before is not going well.   I just don't seem to be able to stop eating.  I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm always hungry and all I'm eating is biscuits, crisps, chocolate, toast, cake................

I've not been exercising, I did it for a few days, then the depression came back.  Other than dancing I've not been able to get off the sofa and jog,cycle or anything else.  I don't think I can blame this on the depression, I'm not actually feeling too bad, work is going well, family is good.  I feel quite good about my mental self, it's my physical self I don't like.   It's like sabotage, one thing goes well so I have to scupper another, or at least that's what it feels like.  I always have an excuse for eating too much, and then an excuse for not exercising.   

I don't know how to get out of this cycle.  Well in theory I do, stop eating and get off my arse, but I'm not doing it.   I have done it in the past, I don't know what was different then, but I need to get back to that place, so I can start to like my body again.

I was once asked how much I like my body out of 10, I gave it a 3, I have to try and at least get over 5.


  1. Maybe you have so much pressure on yourself to be a 5 you can't see what a 4 is like... I only say that because I just realized, upon reading this post, perhaps that's what I've been doing to myself. I want to love my body again so badly the next step just doesn't seem worth celebrating without sliding back two steps. You've given me something to think about :)

  2. Ditch the number system completely and just accept who you are, would be my advice.

    That doesn't mean you can't make effort into changing your body, but if you fixate your mind on results and the results don't come, that's going to come back on you and kick you up the bum and in the mind later on.

    I know you've read a little of my blog now... so I hope you understand where I'm going here - but I think you will benefit a great deal from disassociating with depression altogether. If you have a fall-back option, you're going to use it whenever there's a struggle. I only know that because it's the same trap I used to fall into.

    I hope I can give you a little help along your journey. I am convinced that depression is completely conquerable. ;-)

  3. IT's such a difficult one... I totally understand. I find making sure there are no mirrors between here and the biscuit tin helps!
    Seriously, I think we should all be kinder with ourselves and maybe the answers will come. Easier said than done.

  4. Les is right when he says that depression is completely conquerable - I can vouch for that. But it's not easy, and issues like the one you describe here aren't going to help. The good thing about exercise is it helps conquer both!

  5. I have no idea how to reply to comments individually, but many thanks for them. I am trying to be more positive and have taken ownership of the weight again, it's not easy, but at the moment I'm in a good place to do it