I'm finding it so hard to explain how I'm feeling. I'm really struggling to explain how I'm feeling especially to some of those close to me. There's a few key things I need to explain:
- I have depression, I am not depressed about something, it's not just a question of fixing the one thing that's broken and everything being OK
- I've tried snapping out of it, getting over it, moving on; you pick your euphemism. Telling me that really doesn't help, and often just makes me feel worse
- Because I'm not depressed about "something", when I'm having a bad day, don't ask me what triggered it, don't try to fix it for me. The best thing you can do is give me space, I know that will feel like rejection and like I'm pushing you away, but a nap or a long bath will do me the world of good
- Some of my depression stems from the fact that I feel useless, crap, rubbish and lazy, telling me I'm not won't suddenly fix everything. I won't believe you, I'll just think it's pity and you're being nice because you feel sorry for me
- Counselling helps, we might talk about the same thing a few times, it because I need to go over it in my head. See the point above, my counsellor telling me I'm not rubbish etc, doesn't work either. The person that needs convincing is me. I'm an intelligent person, therefore it takes a lot to convince me of something.
- I know I'm not being logical, I know it doesn't make sense, I am fully aware of that, I'm trying to make sense of it, you're just going to have to give me time.
I hope that helps you understand depression. I understand you will never fully know what I'm going through, but I want to help you know what I am feeling, when it sounds non-sensical, that's because it is.